You just wrote my story.

She lives in Europe, either Paris or Barcelona. I live half a world away. It has been 10 years with no communication after a 6 year relationship. No mutual friends or family. She does no social media except a FB page where she chooses who is her FB friend.

I was in Barcelona for my best friend’s wedding in September 2019. He was marrying for the first time at age 52. His bride was an ex-model age 48 with a 20 year old daughter.

They were both so happy and they are still together after a year of COVID lockdown and difficult financial times. I am so happy for them and that I was invited to share this event.

I knew where my ex lived from her AirBnb listing. Wasn’t hard to figure out. Checked with the porter to make sure she and her new boyfriend were in residence.

I dropped off a note in her mailbox suggesting coffee. Probably a too cute addition, I made a humorous fake magazine cover about my travels in the previous 10 years and why I was in Barcelona. I wanted to keep it light and casual.

As expected, there was no response. It felt like a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I could finally except we would never be friends or have any contact. I would never know if she was ok or really anything about her life after her breakup e-mail of October 2010. I was finally free. No fantasies.

If I was ever going to have love in my life again it would need to be with an entirely new person. At 72, finding real compatibility and attraction is not really very likely.

I met the ex in 2004 in a “lighting bolt” fluke kind of way while we were both doing something else solo.

So nothing is impossible. But I have been single for ten years and I actually enjoy dating myself.

After the break up through lots of reading and therapy I discovered my ex was a grandiose narcissist. Not her fault, she suffered some huge childhood trauma. I forgave her years ago and forgave myself my own missteps.

And to be honest, if I could surgically remove the narcissistic part, my ex was a pretty fabulous and talented person. Just extremely selfish and controlling. As in all relationships it is a package deal.

Narcissists cannot really feel love because they don’t have the capacity to feel empathy. Our relationship was actually doomed from the get go. I was just the last to know.

I was hoping perhaps she had gained a little self awareness over the preceding ten years but the lack of response confirmed everything I knew about narcissistic personalty disorder. The #1 fact is they never get better and there is no cure.

So I hope she is happy and that she can sustain her new relationship. She has always been the one to leave though.

Her welfare in no longer my concern. Her behavior is now explained and I have closure.

She is just someone I used to know and I wish her well on her journey through life.