What a beautiful article. Glad you found new happiness. Never give up hope, even when the odds grow longer. I agree, there are good lessons to be learned in even tragic events.

We had 6 good years together. At least I still think they were good. She was 42 when we met. I was 56. She ended it 9 years ago.

At 70, I’m on the downhill slog toward whatever lies ahead on the other side of this life. Meaning I’m chronologically old. She’s 56 now, still single, no kids, no siblings.

I gave her some reasons to leave me by my own bad behavior. She was not blameless either. But it was mostly my reactive behavior and our lack of effective communication skills that killed the relationship. Neither one of us was being honest with the other. I think I’d do a lot better if I had it to do over again, but alas, there are no instant replays in life. We will both probably die alone.

In the 9 years since the breakup, I have traveled, had two new careers, retired, and moved away from America. I met and became friends with people I never would have met had we stayed together. Learned new skills too. I have found peace and freedom in being alone.

After lots of therapy, reading, and self reflection, I know I am deserving of romantic love and a partner. I forgave her, forgave myself for my own bad choices, and now try to focus on being grateful for what I do have rather than what I lost that is still missing. But the memories are still powerful.

Because in 9 years, I haven’t found anyone to take her place. Not even close. Like not even a single romantic incident. Romance is going to have to find me by total surprise, because I have stopped looking. My attitude is “Maybe. But not very likely”.

I don’t believe anything could top what I already had and lost. The sadness of that loss never goes away, it just becomes more bearable.