Nadia:
I will agree that gender roles have in the past been biologically driven. But evolution is real. Following your logic no one should be a vegetarian, since we were given incisors, specific sharp pointed teeth in our mouths biologically designed to rip flesh from bones.
A hundred years ago, women could not vote, could not own property, could not have credit in their name, were only allowed to work as teachers and nurses. Most were “housewives”, today a term of mild derision.
Times change. Behavior lags unfortunately. A man’s physical strength isn’t as relevant when you aren’t living in a cave and at risk of being attacked and eaten by a saber toothed tiger. Today, at least in the first world, a woman often earns more than her suitor.
I agree with most of the middle of your essay. As the adage goes “You are UNIQUE! Just like everyone else.” But your last paragraph has me scratching my head.
Women like and need sex every bit as much as men. Only women have a bodily organ designed solely for their pleasure. But it is said a woman knows within 30 seconds of meeting a man if she will ever have sex with him. Women would have a lot more sex if they weren’t afraid of being judged and labeled. If men realized they’d have a lot more opportunities for sex if they stopped slut-shaming sexually active women, maybe they’d stop doing it. Although, sadly, women do it to other women too.
So on a date, you know to a certainty if you will ever have sex with this suitor. If the answer is “no, not for me” are you still of the belief he should pay for your company. There is not going to be any sex. So, what is the difference between having dinner with a female friend and a male you are going to put into the friend zone?
It is only in the last 50 years that women have had control of their reproduction. So, the biological desire of a woman for a man to provide for and protect her and her offspring is often not even a possibility.
My point is human behavior must consciously change when the culture and surrounding environment changes. Two hundred years ago having an unpaid slave was considered perfectly fine if you could afford to buy one. In the early part of the last century, we had actual, written into law, second class citizens.
As we evolve and become more enlightened, our behavior must change. We start trying to do the “right” thing. Or at least should. Lots of “healthy” woman can have sex whenever they want it. Someone will say yes. Meaningless sex isn’t very satisfying if the woman’s goal is a relationship.
A “healthy” woman cannot always get sex from someone she desires. A physically attractive woman can have lots of suitors who would like to get closer to her. To take advantage of that fact financially just doesn’t strike me as “the right thing to do”.
40+years ago, I had a date (wasn’t our first date either) with a woman I very much liked and desired. Nice dinner, for which I paid. She said she had to be home early because of (insert convenient excuse here: finish her homework, give dad his medicine, relieve the sitter, need to awaken early. Pick one they’re all lies).
On the way home, after saying our goodbyes, I had to get gas in her neighborhood, then happened to drive by her place heading to my own. Her front door was wide open around 10 pm. Being a gentleman, when I dropped her off after our date, I watched to make sure she got into her apartment safely. So seeing the door open didn’t make any sense. Until I saw a tall, young blond haired man climb the steps and enter the apartment, closing the door behind him. He didn’t have to take her on an expensive date to have sex with her.
Expecting a man to always pay for your company seems to me to make your emotional and sexual life totally transactional. It is a few steps above prostitution. A guy is taking you out in hopes you will have sex with him, and you already know the answer. With an escort, the man’s doubt is at least eliminated.
Human behavior changes one act of kindness and acceptance at a time, until the new behavior becomes the norm. We don’t own slaves, gay people can marry, black people can vote.
Clearly, you are comfortable with the status quo. As an attractive woman, it certainly works to your advantage. Just remember, all growth occurs on the edge of your comfort zone.
Good luck in your future adventures in dating.