Maybe both things were true? The stories and the code?
I didn't listen for sure. Our communication was never good. I made plenty of mistakes. Didn't understand the 5 Love Languages. Always afraid of being abandoned and alone. I was the classic co-dependent. Years of therapy works wonders at self discovery.
But all the signs were there. I chose to ignore them. When we first startec dating, she told me "I'm an only child. I don't share well". Being an only child myself, I thought it was cute. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
She was smart, charming, worldly, talented, tri-lingual, artistic, sophisticated, stylish, sexy and we both liked so many of the exact same things. Jazz, Cooking, Travel, Hiking, Nature, Reading, Design, Museums, it was a long list. We were together 6 years; Best 6 years of my life. For the most part.
But narcissists wear a mask and don't want to reveal themselves to their partner. And when they have all the symptoms of NPD, maybe they are actually narcissists?
Lack empathy.
Talk badly about their friends behind their backs.
Feel a sense of entitlement.
Selfish.
Thinks her friends are jealolus of her.
Magnifies her accomplishments.
Never, ever takes responsibility and cannot ever say "I'm sorry. I was wrong".
Both of us were victims of childhood trauma. I didn't choose to be co-dependent and neither did she choose to be a narcissist.
I knew nothing of narcissism until after the breakup. She doesn't actually think she is a narcissist. If you were to ask her why our relationship didn't work, she would tell you it was all my fault.
Which is typical of narcissists and why the condition is an incurable disorder. It is so very sad. I loved her a lot. A broken heart never mends, it just teaches.
I forgave her (never could tell her, we haven't had a conversation since the breakup ten years ago). I also forgave myself. That was harder.
Almost all of my closest friends are women. Stirctly platonic. I don't date. I'd love to be in love again, to have a partner. At 71, what's the saying? He's either looking for a purse or a nurse?
I no longer have any fear of being alone, as long as I stay healthy. I enjoy my own company.
It just feels like too much work to start over again looking for romance. It's like looking for a job. So depressing.
But I never give up hope. I met the ex totally by accident. Maybe it'll happen again?
Good luck to us both Jenny.