Kristie:

I loved your essay and what you discovered about yourself and the kind of relationship you want and deserve.

But when you write "He didn't make me happy" it sends up red flags. Why do you think it is your partner's responsibility to make you happy? As a proverbial "nice guy" that one line sent me up the wall.

Kristie, there is no person, place, or thing, including money and great sexual attraction, that can "make you happy". Happiness is an inside job. Being a happy person is your job, not your partner's.

How about changing your thinking to "I discovered I wasn't happy with an outdoorsy, surfer".

He had nothing to do with it. He was just being himself (assuming he didn't emotionaly or verbally abuse you or had other pathology that made a relationship with anyone impossible).

Own you own emotions, feel them, share them, speak them. If you know what makes you feel happy, then your partner can show his love by paying attention to your needs.