Interesting article, one that to me is sad but true. I admire those few couples who can stay connected as friends after their romantic relationship ends. It is difficult and requites a new kind of “respectful” love with less intimacy and no sex. It can be done, but few want to put in the effort.

What do you do if there once was chemistry, but she isn’t interested after 6 years together. We separated and lived apart but still talked, went out once in a while, and shared meals. I honestly believed we’d find our way back to one another.

Then one day, out of the blue, I get an e-mail from her saying “The Separation Is Now Permanent” and she tells me to leave her alone forever. Then blocks me everywhere from Facebook to LinkedIn.

It made me question everything. Was there really chemistry at the beginning or was she just a narcissist who was “love bombing” me to get what she wanted? I represented a persistent fantasy to her of being with a successful older Jewish guy. She wasn’t Jewish. Nor was she friends with any of her many ex ex-boyfriends. She never married. All the red flags were there, I just didn’t know what to look for.

It took many years to accept all the things I will never know about her, from knowing the day her mother passes away to which of her future goals she shared with me were actually achieved. I will not know when she is sick or when she is celebrating.

And having accepted that, having to accept she doesn’t care even a tiny bit about me and my life. I could be in the hospital with days to live and if my last wish was to see her and say I’m sorry and one last goodbye, she simply would not come. Despite my being willing to pay her travel expenses. Narcissists have no empathy and zero nostalgia.

It took a lot of therapy and a lot of time to get to the point where I really don’t care anymore. She is not worthy of my attention or concern. She would make as bad a friend as she made a selfish girlfriend.

I have lost many friends and acquaintances over the years. That happens to everyone and it doesn’t break our hearts.

But it is different when you are not just rejected but abandoned via e-mail. But narcissists are especially cruel. She was someone I lived with, traveled with, slept with, and shared intimate details of my life with.

I always assumed one way or the other we’d stay connected until my death. I was so wrong. It just seems so weird that today she is just someone I used to know. I’m grateful though for the many lessons I learned.

Yet I still will never fully understand why after some significant no contact period, lovers cannot be friends. I wish it weren’t true, but sadly the article is right.