If you were in agreement to be monogamous, then you did the right thing not to break your agreement and cheat. Cheating is what destroys trust, not extramarital sex.

Did you share what happened with your then wife? Including your attraction to someone not your wife and how tempted you were? If not, then did you really have an honest relationship? Because in a real honest relationship, you can have difficult conversations and be vulnerable without it degenerating into a fight.

I believe it is impossible (or damn difficult) for many normal, loving people to commit at the start of a relationship to remain monogamous for the rest of the relationship and never discuss it again.

There are a whole spectrum of relationship choices between monogamy and celibacy. There is no one right choice, but it is vital you and your partner are in agreement and sexually compatible.

Maybe had you had an honest discussion about opening your relationship to something like polyamory, you might not have ended up divorced? And could have had sex with Nicole without cheating.

Would really appreciate your take on why you ended up divorced.