I think the author should remove this post, as she clearly has no actual knowledge of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is not at all qualified to discuss it, much less offer her badly biased and uninformed opinions. Never has an article on Medium so infuriated me as did this one did. if anyone is playing armchair psychiatrist, it is the author.

Ija, I'm glad you are lucky enough to never have been through all the stages of a narcissistic relationship. But honestly, you simply don't know what you are talking about.

Narcissism runs on a -5 to +5 spectra and no one is a zero. Most of us are in the range of -2 to +2, either on the co-dependent or selfish side of neutral.

In a good solid partnership and loving relationship, if someone starts slipping from +1 to +2 selfish, or from -1 to -2 on the other side, their partner might call them on their behavior, and they discuss it without rancor. And they may try to move closer to neutral because they love their partner and sincerely want them to be happy. These are normal relationships.

Once you get to 3 on either side, you are talking about a mentally damaged person. Most often the cause is childhood trauma.

My ex was probably a 3.5, as a grandiose narcissist. Charming, talented, stylish, intelligent but ultimately extremely selfish with feelings of superiority and a total lack of empathy.

She will never see herself as others see her (she is in her mind perfect) and her condition is incurable. Narcissists don't seek therapy for their narcissism. If they go to couples therapy, it is to convince the therapist that they are right so the two of them can gang up on the other one. The training of therapists in how to treat narcissistic abuse is really very low.

There is now a national organization, the Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Alliance, dedicated to increasing the skill level of therapists when it comes to the behavior of narcissistic people and relationships people have with them, both personal and professional.

You can find out more by visiting NAAA.International on Instagram or e-mail them at joinus.naaa@gmail.com. It is an organization for professionals: Therapists, attorneys, and other people dealing with this condition as outsiders. Maybe as a writer, they can suggest some training for you too?

At +4 and +5, the lying, cheating and verbal abuse gets to the level of intolerable. I was in my narcissistic relationship for 6 years and if you don't know anything about it, like you don't, saying "Get over it. Move on. It's all over and in the past. You'll meet someone new" are words that are downright ignorant and cruel.

Please get a copy of the book "Help, I'm In Love With A Narcissist" (It may be out of print, but there are probably used copies around) then read and understand the symptoms.

Superiority, lack of empathy, attacking their friends behind their backs, gaslighting, denial, inflated accomplishments and talents they don't actually possess. and enlisting others in believing the abused partner is imagining the abuse or making it all up, or to use one of their favorite terms, is a "psycho". That's just the tip of the iceberg.

You need to learn about "love bombing", no contact, narcissistic supply, abandonment, survivor guilt, the list is long. It will take you some time to go through the resources to acquire a basic understanding without actually living through it yourself and surviving, which I would never wish on anyone.

Another good book is "The Human Magnet Syndrome" about why co-dependents attract narcissists. and vice-versa. The author, Ross Rosenberg, doesn't like the term co-dependent and prefers Self Love Deficit Disorder.

If you don't want to go to the library or spend money educating yourself, you can go to YouTube and start watching Dr. Ramani for free.

She has a multitude of programs examining narcissism and its aftermath. She is considered an expert on the subject, having completed years of study and clinical experience. Narcissism is the only condition she treats in her practice in Santa Monica, CA.

Stop judging others and being ignorant based upon the behavior of a few of your friends. Maybe you should leave this post up but write a followup to acknowledge that your understanding of narcissistic personality disorder was way off the mark and your advice was not worth following?