I don’t know if I agree with you totally. Although most of what you say is true.

We were never married, but we were coupled for 6 years living together all but the first year. I never met someone with whom I was so compatible.

Our breakup was not a mutual decision. I actually would have told anyone that might ask that we had a good relationship right up to the last few months.

In my mind I was a good guy who occasionally made some very bad and hurtful decisions. The business decisions were costly. I said things I wish I had never said because they weren’t indicative of my actual feelings. I never yelled at her or verbally abused her. I loved her but lost my way. I have concluded that I pushed her away leaving her no choice but to save herself.

It is a long story but I totally own my 50%. I was co-dependent and afraid of being alone. I was arrogant and not a good listener. She has her own issues. We were both victims of childhood trauma.

She took the easy way out and put the nails in the coffin via e-mail. It was a cruel way to end things.

It has been 9 years of no contact. I have not had another relationship since. I don’t actually believe at my age of 70 there is much of a chance. I think I would be settling. I still hold my ex in high esteem. I forgive her totally.

She lives 8,000 miles away. She has a new partner. Owns two homes.

In the fall, my friend is getting married. The ceremony is close to where she lives. It might be the last opportunity to meet.

Seriously if someone offered me $100,000 in tax free cash or one dinner with her I would choose the dinner. I mean that! And I’d pay for the dinner.

Every 12 step program has a step that includes making amends for the hurt my actions caused. All 12 step programs say that making amends goes way beyond mere words of “I’m sorry” and should be done face to face.

I only have her address. I would like to send her a letter. You’d say it is an extremely bad idea. And it is entirely possible she will ignore my invitation.

I don’t want to re-hash the past or try to rekindle anything in the present.

I want to make amends by my physical presence and have closure.

9 years should be enough time. I don’t want to die with unfinished business. If she refuses then it says more about her than about me.

I believed that the unusal way we met goes way beyond coincidence. It was fated. The hand of God brought me a precious gift. I was not able to hold on to it. It is the biggest regret of my life.