I could relate to your excellent article. Me too!

We were together 6 years. The details don’t matter. She broke up with me via e-mail and slammed the door shut and boarded it up. She even blocked me from LinkedIn. Her LinkedIn hadn’t changed in 10 years.

It took a long time to heal. Hard to believe, but it was the first time I had ever been dumped. Married twice. Divorced once (my choice but mutual and without rancor or recrimination). Then widowed at 53 after a 17 year marriage that had run its course.

I had to discover through years of therapy that I was a classic co-dependent non-communicator with no boundaries. I loved giving her whatever she wanted. And stuffed the lack of affection I felt. I internalized all her criticisms of me and that I had failed her.

She on the other hand was a narcissist. She was crazy about me at first. Just a mask and a lure. But narcissists are incapable of real love and empathy. Our entire relationship was fake. That was hard to accept.

I had no idea who she really was while we were together but all the pieces fell into place the more I read and worked on myself.

The sad thing is that despite her talents, intelligence and looks, there is no cure for her condition, because she is convinced she is perfect. Everyone else, including me, is screwed up and unworthy.

Funny how we both were unwanted only children and each coped using different and opposite pathologies.

She was 41 when we met. I was 55. I really believed I had found the love of my life and we’d be together until I died.

It has been 8 years since the e-mailed breakup. Zero communication nor will there ever be any. I had to create my own closure, forgive her and forgive myself. I haven’t had a romantic relationship in that entire time. And at 69, starting to believe I never will.

I used to think I missed her but read a wonderful essay on Thought Catalog that explained I didn’t miss her, I missed the way I felt when I was with her. Two entirely different things.