I am with you.

We were right for each other. I always felt she was my soulmate.

But external circumstances arose. I made a particularly bad and costly business decision and she lost respect for me.

My finances and self esteem were affected. She no longer felt safe and I compounded things with more stupid behavior.

I was a co-dependent. I was afraid of being alone. My life descended into a mess. And we were not good communicators. Certainly not honest about our feelings. At the end, she was so angry. I was just sad. Crying all the time.

We were a couple for 6 years, housemates for 5. I have been alone for nine years. She broke up via e-mail and went total no contact.

She lives half a world away. She has a new partner. But I am going to be in her city for other reasons and I am going to invite her to meet for coffee. I am not optimistic, but I am hopeful.

I have no desire to dredge up the past or rekindle anything. But I still love her.

I didn’t want to break up but after nine years single I do understand the necessity of it. I needed the time and space to get my life together.

Mostly I want to make amends. I want to let her know I know that I wasn’t the great boyfriend I thought I was. And if she has anything she wants to share, this will be an opportunity.

I want to say goodbye the right way, face to face not the cowardly way she chose.

If a friendship comes out of it, I am open to the possibility. And if not, I will finally have closure.

I believe in the power of positive thinking, so if you read this I would appreciate your positive thoughts and wishes.

October. My birth month. The best birthday gift of my life would be the simplest and least expensive: two hours of her time.

And if you think I am crazy, I agree with you, so please keep you negative energy to yourself.