Excellent essay, with some wise and actionable advice. Do keep in mind that Narcissists never get better. Ever.

I was love bombed the first six months until I was fully addicted to her. Then spent the next 5.5 years trying to get back that fake “love” that she withdrew as she proceeded to tear down my self-esteem with her criticism.

After she left me at the lowest point of my life, it fell to me to discover through therapy my own co-dependency. It was necessary to let go of the belief I had to “find, pursue and get” someone to love me. I used to believe I wasn't intrinsically worthy of love by just being me. I was always seeking validation from women. All these problems went back to my early childhood and bad parenting. My parents were never in love; I was an accident.

Hard lessons. I had to forgive myself and not see being single as some kind of defect. My biggest fear was being alone. After she left suddenly, while it took years, I got used to being single.

I am now free, happy, and enjoying my life. If I ever meet a new partner, it will be due to living my life on my terms and doing what I love to do. It will be a surprise, and a gift.

I'd love a real partner, but I am not desperately seeking one. I am actually extremely cautious about allowing romantic love into my life again.

Someone is going to have to chase me and catch me. Chemistry is vital but also not enough upon which to build a true partnership.