During our brekaup, my ex accused me of being the toxic one in our relationship.

In my years of trying to understand what happened, I discovered that my ex was a bit of a narcissist. Expecting her to be empathetic and capable of real intimacy was simply not something she could do considering her pathology.

But I still wrestled with the accusation of being toxic. Your definition was helpful. I never actually realized how unhappy my ex was in our relationship until it was too late to save it.